girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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