well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
