I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
