do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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