He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
