apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
