Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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