i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
