Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
