so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
