trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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