YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
