And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
