wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
