The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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