DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
