Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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