About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
