Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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