the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
