im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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