just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
