and you said cock pushups were impossible
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
