I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
