Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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