i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
