the condom got lost in my hair
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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