did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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