just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
