i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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