three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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