found the other keg... it's in the tree
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
