Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
