Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
