Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize