1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
