is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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