We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
