i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
