Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
