we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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