dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
