well most of my day revolves around power hour
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
