i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
