Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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