I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
