you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
