i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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