i jhust puked up my retainher.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
