WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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