her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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