I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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