hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
