glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
