Betty ford says i'm here all night
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
