home. puking in laundry basket.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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