I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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