We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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