remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
