brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
