Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
