So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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