I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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