separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
